genderdeath:

fun facts abt the elder scrolls iii morrowind since apparently some of you did things more productive than sink 300 hours of your adolescence into it

– there;s a titty bar

– like most ES games morrowind features quests given to you by frequently malicious agender deities. one involves murdering a gigantic floating jellyfish cow thing with a dinner fork.

– Another gives you a sword called goldenbrand, which isn’t interesting in itself except that you can follow a convoluted series of steps including doing a quest in a specific way and then bringing a quest object and a specific amount of gold to a specific character. the whole point of this easter egg was for someone to slam a basketball team they didn’t like.

– another involves a demon that wants to sleep and hang around instead of terrorize people, so you have to go beat it up.

– a feedback loop involving the alchemy skill allows you to buff your attributes, which are meant to max out at 100, basically to infinity. One you start breaking into the thousands and beyond the game engine begins to break down. for example:

1. excessively high speed means you will run almost as fast as the game can load exterior cells (segments of the game world, in other words). meaning, the game will briefly load a few cells, you’ll cross them in seconds, and the game will load more cells. also, if you run up a hill, you might catch some serious air before dying immediately upon landing because the game calculates thousands of points in fall damage based on how far you glided. you may also run through walls and fall into The Eternal Video Game Void, which may also kill you
2. excessive strength will cause your weapons to explode on impact
3. an error with the way the game accounts for health buffs can cause potions of fortify health to kill you if they wear off.
4. similarly, an item in the game, appropriately named wraithguard, will permanently remove about 150ish health if you put it on without going through the proper questlines to activate it. you can mitigate this hit with health enchantments on your armor, but if your base health is lower than the damage that wraithguard did to you, you can never remove your armor again without dying.
5. with high enough agility you can bounce off the gameworld’s ceiling, which is the in-game equivalent of a mile or two high. you can also leap across the entire island in one or two jumps, despite the fact that it should take about an hour or more to cross at normally attainable speeds.

– i’m just gonna quote the wiki for this one: “During the duration of your gameplay, all of the NPCs in the game slowly move a little forward and to the right over time. It is related to their idle animation. This especially seems to happen to the NPCs that allow you to travel e.g.: Silt strider operators, guild guides, and boat operators. This may happen eventually to where when you travel through the Mages Guild, the guild guide will spawn inside or very close to you. Certain silt striders operators will eventually move so far north, they will either fall off the platform they are standing on, or in some cases, float above the ground.”

– almost every character in morrowind can be interacted with using your speechcraft skill, to compliment, intimidate, or bribe npcs. a few quest specific npcs have no such option, because they’re treated as creatures instead of npcs by the game engine. However, there also exists a spell that let’s you command creatures, and it can be used to drag these characters to whatever location you please. These include: Vivec, one of the most powerful characters in the game and lore, Dagoth Ur, who is also quite strong and canonically powerful, and the Heart, an important plot device and literal still-beating heart of a dead creator god, all of whom you can gather neatly in your house if you really want to. Also, npcs, such as Vivec’s own warrior-priests, will attempt to fight them.

– Speaking of the Heart and Dagoth Ur, both are “immortal”, which actually means they heal for something like 5,700 health per second. If you hit them for more than that, they will die and crash the game in the process.