the-real-dookster:

jooferslannister:

moron-anonymous:

jooferslannister:

moron-anonymous:

jooferslannister:

moron-anonymous:

jooferslannister:

moron-anonymous:

moron-anonymous:

This is my new favourite old canon Star Wars picture. He’s a moff at a mofference. 

I BID YOU DARK GREETINGS, TUMBLR!

AH GRAND MOFF HISSA, IT IS I, MOFF DUNHAUSEN

SHALL WE START THE MOFFERENCE? 

MOFF DUNHAUSEN, DARK GREETINGS UPON YOU! YES I THINK FIRST THOUGH WE SHOULD CONSULT…

THE DARK BOOK OF IMPERIAL JUSTICE!

YES GOOD MOFF HISSA. GOOD. I BELIEVE, FIRST. 

*Clears throat* WE MUST CONSULT THE BOOK, TO SEE IF THE EMPEROR’S SON, OUR NEW EMPEROR, TRIOCULUS,

 CAN MARRY LEIA OF ALDERAAN. ROYALTY BOTH THROUGH ADOPTION, AND HER BLOOD RELATION TO OUR DARK LORD, VADER. 

YESS, I CONCUR MOFF DUNHAUSSEN! IF HE DOES NOT MARRY LEIA HIS PLACE ON THE THRONE CAN SURELY BE CHALLENGED! Said Grand Moff Muzzer.

RIGHT! LET’S SEE HERE…. hmrmhmrmhmrmrm!

AHA! RIGHT HERE GENTLEMEN! Said Grand Moff Hissa, displaying the pages.

*In Huttese* MOFFS. I AM ZORBA, FATHER OF JABBA THE HUTT.

I RULE CLOUD CITY NOW. AND I AM ASKING FOR HELP IN STOPPING THE SCUM, HAN SOLO, HIS WOMAN, LEIA ORGANA, AND THEIR FRIEND. THE JEDI SCUM, SKYWALKER, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF MY DEAR SON! 

WHY WOULD WE AID FILTH SUCH AS YOU? YOUR KIND PROVED TO BE WORTHLESS WHEN YOUR SON DIED. STORMTROOPERS, DISPOSE OF THIS HUTT!

HEAR HEAR! 

YES SIR GRAND MOFF HISSA, SIR.

They come for Zorba, they COME.

OH NO! TROOPERS HAVE INVADED CLOUD CITY! I WILL NOT BE CAPTURED. 

PLEASE, MOFFS. DO NOT THROW ME TO THE SARLACC OF TATOOINE! I BEG OF THEE
 

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ANOTHER ENEMY OF THE EMPIRE SLAIN AT THE HANDS OF ITS FINEST. His eyes bulge out and his neck stretches upwards, his arm rockets to the sky in a salute and he screeches: HAAAILL TRIOCULUS!  

HAIL TRIOCULUS! The rest of the Moffs followed suit, their faces turning red and their veins bulging almost of out their bodies as they saluted the man they loved most: Trioculus.

reblog if AAAAAAAAA

thegreenwolf:

mileseques:

ddemotivators:

valbrandur:

joenza:

phuiscribbles:

numahachi:

perpetualvelocity:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊  啊 啊 啊

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AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

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kaytwodeetwo:

BRANCHING OFF THE PREVIOUS POST AGAIN I’d imagine that Miraluka brains have specialized a bit away from being identical to human brains? Like since Force sight replaced physical sight I’d assume that some of the information from that lights up the visual cortex like physical sight would, but would things like “seeing” Force alignment and usage and stuff just work like a color overlay, or would it be an experience that human brains just aren’t equipped to parse? I kind of HC the latter because it seems like that ought to be a somewhat different kind of information. Apparently inanimate objects also appear as somewhat translucent in Force sight. I’d imagine that could get pretty confusing if you’re not used to it; I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the Miraluka brain was dedicated to sorting out occlusion as a result.

Then there’s color vision. The wiki says Miraluka don’t have any but there’s no source and I feel like they might just be going with how it looks in, say, KotOR 2– which I already think is a simplification (and is also coming from Visas, whose Force sight ability has been damaged.) I could see it going either way– on the one hand, how does the Force tell what color of light something reflects? but on the other hand, if it couldn’t provide the user with that information, then how would Force sight and no physical eyes be a viable adaptation in a species descended from humans, which relied on color vision for things like “do not eat the bad” and “recognizing a thing that will eat you”? I kinda lean towards Miraluka having some form of color vision because of the latter issue, though it may not be remotely the same spectrum that humans see anymore.

Another consideration is whether lighting conditions make any difference– I’d assume they don’t. Presumably light sources have some appearance, but I doubt actual light levels factor in– which probably means Miraluka get their Circadian rhythm from other cues. (Why would they need to be diurnal, actually? Is there an advantage to any given schedule when you can see what’s coming regardless? Climate’s one, I suppose, and it depends at least initially on the schedules the animal life keeps– both prey and any domesticated animals that are relied on.) It’s a really weird thought to never be able to “turn off” your vision like closing your eyes does.

In conclusion: how do Miraluka, what the fuck?

HEY HI MIRALUKA HEADCANON TIME!

As I see it, the Force adds a spiritual/emotional/psychological dimension, making it a force (hehe) that is affected and reflects metaphysical reality into material space. There are lots of ways to make electricity, but only the Force is the one where a person being involved in it makes it happen just because they want to, without having to do anything to coax electricity by making an environment for it to happen. The Force is why a battleground that’s been left for hundreds of years might still have less life in it than the surrounding areas, where things grow without the negative dark energy of horrible death around it just fine.

So where that comes into Miraluka is that what you see through the Force is emotional and spiritual reality, which through the Force, is a definite concrete property that all things have. A berry can reflect malice. Not as strongly as like, someone who’s in the act of murder, but you can look at it and be like “Nope, I shouldn’t eat that!” because there’s a little bit of that murder-intent in there, in the Force.

Since the Miraluka aren’t super far removed from humans, the parts of their brain that in a human process visual information have been evolutionarily jury-rigged to connect up to processing what they “see” in the Force, so they experience it in pretty similar terms to what humans experience, so when they see dark side stuff, it goes through the part of the brain that in humans would register as the color red and it sends back “Oh yeah, that’s red” and they see the color red. So they have color vision, but it has no relation to wavelengths of light.

Also, given that this is a world that has figured out how to connect up your nervous system to a mechanical prosthetic so that it works essentially as the thing, it’s possible that you can hook up a Miraluka brain to some cybernetic eyes and they’d be able to see through those the same way that humans would, and it’d look just the same as if you hooked up a human to the same eye. The difference is that the Miraluka would think that everything looks super fucked up and would probably hate it, since it’s just distracting and weird, though it would probably wouldn’t be unheard of for Miraluka who have poor Force sight for whatever reason to get cyborg-eyes so they can see literally at all. But their brains would have a tough time getting used to it.

I also think that a Jedi (even a blind non-Miraluka Jedi) wouldn’t see the Force the same way that a Miraluka does, as it would take training and intent to see the Force, since their brains aren’t hooked up to read Force seeing as Light seeing, so they’d process it differently, spending a little more time on what exactly that means that it looks that way in the Force, whereas a Miraluka would look at it and be like “yeah that’s what it looks like so what”

moonblossom:

losethehours:

chiefengineerlaforge:

mylittleredgirl:

mylittleredgirl:

captacorn:

Is this a print ad for Radio Shack?

NO OMG

I REMEMBER THIS

THIS WAS IN PARADE MAGAZINE

I THOUGHT IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL I CUT IT OUT AND HUNG IT ON MY WALL

okay no I was going to let this go but every time I see it I just have to stop what I’m doing and laugh for ten minutes

  • bob picardo’s ultimate Dad pose
  • roxann is wearing velour which was cutting edge fabric probably
  • i’m pretty sure i had that keyboard
  • why? is the palm pilot thing under a dome? is it a security dome because there are only ten in the world!? does it need its own ecosystem to survive??? what is happening
  • looking at kate and robbie makes me think it’s possible this whole spread was in a clothing & lifestyle mail order catalog and not parade magazine after all
  • look at jennifer’s hands she looks so uncomfortable i want to get her out of this terrible photo shoot
  • is ethan phillips under quarantine?? what the fuck is happening there? is he supposed to be in a PHONE BOOTH? to use his CUTTING EDGE cell phone? did we not know how cell phones worked yet!? the x-files had been on for two years already get it together
  • garrett wang what the fuck is that a hi-top made with cutting edge hair pomade or what’s happening here
  • tim russ is just limbs and a head what was happening in this wardrobe department? did an all-black memo go out by CUTTING EDGE email and tim roxann and jennifer only check their email once a week because that dial-up’s by the minute ok and where i lived you had to call long distance because the other side of the goddamn county was a long distance telephone call YOU DON’T KNOW OUR STRUGGLES OKAY I WOULD HAVE MURDERED SOMEONE FOR A WEBCAM

this is an excellent picture on its own but lets not ignore the contents of that magazine

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thought u could hack my webcam and record me?? jokes on u CIA all u gonna get is my brand new dell computer w/ an AMAZING 2.1GB hard drive 

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when ur parents wants u 2 socialise but ur busy faxing memes 2 ur friends w/ the lastest pda

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when ppl ask to use ur brand new photo scanner but u arent done scanning ur collection of cat pics yet 

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waiting 4 the computer 2 start up so u can show off ur latest – and bestest –photoshops

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being the only one in ur friend group w/ a printer and everyone always wants to use ur printer so u decide to just carry it w/ u wherever u go

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getting the latest cd-roms before anyone else

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when it friday and u decide u deserve that pizza so u call the pizza place to order ur favourite pizza

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and jennifer…. continues to look uncomfortable. someone save her

I did a lot of sewing with velour fabric but as much as I’d love to claim it was ever cutting edge that would be … me … lying to you. A good quality velour made a really stunning cape though. Especially if I lined it to give it more body.

Oh my god this whole photoshoot is the best thing ever

infiniteprobabilities:

exvind:

glumshoe:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

greyguardian64:

prokopetz:

It’s universally agreed that the mimic, a monster that impersonates a treasure chest and eats you if to try to open it, is the sort of conceptually ridiculous threat that could only come from old-school Dungeons & Dragons, but I suspect that a lot of folks who got into the game post-2000 – or who’ve only heard about it second hand – don’t realise just how representative it really is of the kind of dungeon-dwelling bullshit we had to put up with back in the day.

I’ve got a copy of the Monstrous Manual for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition (pub. 1993) in front of me, and in this book alone you’ll find:

  • A shapeshifting subterranean predator that impersonates doorways
  • A monster that looks like a cloak, and when you put it on it eats you
  • A giant – as in 20 feet across – flying manta ray that looks like the ceiling*
  • At least three unrelated beasties that impersonate decorative statues
  • A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a rock formation
  • A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a pool of water
  • A flesh-eating ooze that looks like a brick wall (you may have noticed that flesh-eating oozes are something of a theme)
  • An undead critter that also looks like a brick wall (the explanation for how it pulls this off is like half a page long)
  • A tentacled whatsit that impersonates a pile of trash
  • A snail-like critter that disguises itself as a stalactite, then falls on your head when you walk underneath it
  • A monster that looks like a stalagmite (can’t have one without the other, right?) that grabs you with sticky tentacles when you walk past
  • A monster that looks like a tree, and when you walk beneath its branches it sneakily places a noose-like vine around your neck and hangs you
  • A flying mushroom that looks like a different monster, except when you attack it, it explodes and infects you with poisonous spores

* Interestingly, there are no less than three apparently totally unrelated
species of giant flying mantra rays in this book, though only one of them
impersonates architecture.

And that’s just in the core rules for that particular edition. Various supplements for this and previous editions have included carnivorous floors, undead clothing, malevolent furniture, and – I swear I’m not making this up – a beastie that looks like a tree stump with a rabbit standing on it, and attacks you if you try to catch the rabbit (which is actually an anglerfish-like lure).

Basically, there are two things you should take away from this:

1. The variant mimics you see on Tumblr are no more ridiculous than what you’ll find in the actual source material; and

2. In old-school Dungeons & Dragon, literally everything is trying to kill you.

Let’s not forget the Bag of Devouring, which is a beastie pretending to be the most useful/neccasarry item in the game (bag of holding) and doesn’t even reveal itself until after it has eaten all your stuff and part of your arm

Ah, yes – the Bag of Devouring. The perfect intersection between “disguised monsters that want to kill you in ways that make no sense” and “seemingly helpful magic items that want to kill you in ways that make no sense” – that latter could be a whole post on its own!

(I’m like 99% convinced that the entire SCP Foundation universe is just somebody’s “D&D Modern” AU.)

Okay, I’ve gotten multiple requests for the “seemingly helpful magic items that want to kill you in ways that make no sense”

post, so here goes. Again, I am literally just reading out of the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition Dungeon Master’s Guide – this isn’t like a “best of” compilation spanning the game’s entire product line or anything, it’s all right there in the core rules.

Notable entries include:

  • A magic ring that causes the wearer to become deluded that the ring has some useful magical power. (Its only real power is to delude the wearer into thinking it has powers.)
  • A magic ring that legitimately has some useful magical power, but also renders the wearer psychologically incapable of agreeing with any spoken statement.
  • The aforementioned bag of devouring, which impersonates a bag of holding (i.e., a bag that’s larger on the inside than the outside), but is actually a feeding orifice of some nasty extradimensional critter.
  • A different screw-you variation on the bag of holding that randomly transmutes precious metals placed inside into base metals, and destroys magic items.
  • An enchanted bowl that every test indicates will summon friendly water elementals with a suitable ritual. When the ritual is actually performed, however, it shrinks the user to the size of an ant and drowns her. (Also, any deaths caused by this bowl explicitly resist all normal methods of resurrection, for no obvious reason other than fuck you.)
  • An enchanted bell that seems to have the power to open locked doors, and actually does so the first few times it’s used. After several uses, however, it suddenly switches to causing everyone who hears it to become ravenously hungry, to the point that they’ll try to kill and eat each other if no other obvious food sources are available.
  • A cloak that kills you when you put it on. That’s it. That’s all it does.
  • A pair of glasses that turn you to stone when you put them on. Again, that’s their sole function.
  • A pair of boots that perfectly duplicate the functions of some other,
    actually useful type of magic boots; as soon as the wearer enters
    combat, however, their useful property vanishes and they start dancing.

  • A magic drum that permanently deafens the user and anyone else within seventy feet when struck.
  • A broom that is “identical to a broom of flying to all tests”, except when you actually try to use it to fly, it comes to life and starts swatting you in the face instead. 
  • A pair of gloves that seem to give you super-strength, but the first time you encounter a “life and death situation”, their effect switches to rendering you supernaturally clumsy instead. Once the curse activates they can’t be removed without magical aid.
  • A hat that makes you stupid. 
  • A harp whose music is so supernaturally bad that everyone within earshot is driven to attack the player in a mindless rage.
  • A carpet that rolls you up inside it and suffocates you if you sit on it.
  • A spear that functions normally at first, but has a small random chance to curl around and stab you in the back each time you use it.

That’s by no means exhaustive, but I’m going to have to stop there because there are just so darned many of the things.

I love all of these.

“Euclid, Euclid, Euclid, Safe, Safe, Euclid, Euclid, Euclid, Fucking Keter, Safe, Euclid, Euclid….”

-A poor SCP Foundation Researcher reading through this list.

This was back in the good ol’ days when the spirit of Gary ”TPK” Gygax was still strong with AD&D (yes this was Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, there was also regular Dungeons and Dragons).

BTW the rabbit/tree stump thing is a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing and it looks exactly like the description above except you forgot the weird vagina dentata mouth:

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Every so often I entertain the idea of building a world in which all these fuck-you DnD monsters evolved through natural selection over the course of millions of years, just because I find the idea of dungeons as an ecosystem where there’s pressure to fit neatly into graph paper and perfectly mimic treasure and brick walls really, really funny.