“Welcome to Markarth, safest city in the Reach.” Within ten minutes of arriving I’ve witnessed a murder, become caught up in a civil war, and found Molag Bal squatting in someone’s basement.
And then I got killed by a goat.
How they could have the audacity to use the word “safe” in the same sentence as the word “Markarth” is fucking beyond me. This city is 120% stairs.
Taxonomy is tricky. Moths and butterflies make up the insect order Lepidoptera. But… just like technically wolves and coyotes are already dogs (canids = dogs-ish I guess?), butterflies are just a type of moth. A very, very small group of insects in a gigantic, humungous, incomprehensibly more diverse order of insects. Allow me to demonstrate.
POP QUIZ! QUICK! FIND THE MOTH!
Got it? Good. Here’s the answer key (NO PEEKING BEFORE SPOTTING IT YOURSELF!).
From Left to right: TOP: Painted Lichen Moth, Moonseed Moth, Beautiful Tiger (moth), Grote’s Buckmoth (endangered) BOTTOM: Eubaphe unicolor (moth), Eight-spotted Forester (moth), Ailanthus Webworm Moth, Chickweed Geometer Moth
Wait… ALL OF THEM ARE MOTHS? Of course they are. There are so few butterflies in the giant sea of moths, it’s amazing you even notice them!
Okay, okay fine. That one was tricky (or was it?). Here’s another.
AGAIN! QUICK! FIND THE MOTH!
Easier this time, right? Let’s see how you did! (NO CHEATING)
From Left to Right: TOP: Checkered Skipper, Soldier Pansy, Funereal Duskywing, Dotted Checkerspot (endangered) BOTTOM: Texas Powdered Skipper, Tawny Emperor, Reakirt’s Blue, Fatal Metalmark
Wait… so which one is the moth? NONE OF THEM THESE ARE BUTTERFLIES. “What do you mean these are butterflies, they are boring?!” Shut up I love them. “But moths are supposed to be the boring ones!” Shut up moths are cooler than a T-rex with a mohawk riding a skateboard.
Left: Eggplant Leafroller Moth, caterpillars live on plants; Right: Jalisco Petrophila Moth, caterpillars are aquatic and grow up in freshwater and the adult female moths will swim into the water to lay her eggs GUYS SHE IS A MOTH!!!!!! Also: they are jumping spider mimics! Look!
“Jar Jar was prominently featured in the merchandise for the movie—leading to some ridiculous products being attached to his character, including an infamously lewd-looking Jar Jar lollipop:
Apparently the item was so poorly regarded, the actor that portrayed Jar Jar was apologized to by marketers just for it actually existing.”
KIRK IS HOLDING A ZINNIA. THE SAME FUCKING FLOWER.
FUCKING NASA MAN
No. Nononono. You don’t understand.
I am so mad about this. Like, not like I wanna kill someone, but mad, as in, hysterical?
They wanted to answer questions about plants in space, right? How biology and botany would work in space. Because then who knows? We could grow crops in space, or fix the atmosphere. Or create the perfect biome for plants that are now extinct. Who fucking knows, right?
They could have taken a food crop. Wheat, maybe. Or rice. Something they could observe to see if it would be possible to solve a food shortage or whatever. Maybe a small apple tree to see if it would bloom, and then see if there could be a way to make it fruit.
Or, you know, go the genetics route and take a sweet pea. See if zero gravity does anything to how genes are passed on. Mendel did it in a shed, why not a tin shed in outer space, right? Oh the possibilities.
Was it so wrong to take the zinnia? No, of course not. In my little horticultural brain, I thought, oh how lovely! A splash of colour in the emptiness of space. Something bright and cheerful, something that gives hope. That must have been it, right?
But no.
SOMEONE went, “Nah, mate, here’s an episode of Star Trek where Kirk is holding a ZINNIA in a SPACE DESERT.”
I could scream. I don’t know if I love or hate these fucking nerds. Oh my gods.
Baby Khajit are often mistaken for kittens and small cats, so they would accidentally be adopted by loving humans, who soon freak out when the cat fucking talks back.
SO…
‘who ish the cutesht of them all??’
‘I am’
Now that would be a story for the ages.
Fun fact: Every form of feline in the Elder Scrolls series is actually a breed of Khajiit. Apparently what form of Khajiit you’re born as is defined by the cycle of the moons
OMG WHERE DID THIS CHART COME FROM ITS GREAT I LOVE IT
Well, not EVERY feline, there are cats who are genuiely cats. However, some khajiit really do resemble housecats. Other resemble tigers. And others resemble mer (bosmer, more specifically.)
imagine being the oldest child but you’re a fucking housecat
The ones that look like ordinary housecats are naturally incredibly gifted with magic. Like, more powerful than Altmer. There are horror stories from people who tried to invade Elsweyr only to discover fireballs raining down on them from the highest branches of the trees, where even Bosmer can’t climb. Those really big ones meanwhile are referred to as “battlecats” and carry other warriors into combat. Every single one of them has at least human level intelligence.
And yeah which one you’re born as depends on the phases of the moons when you’re born, so a family will usually be a random scattering of types. Kind of like how the birthsigns work, except instead of ‘you run a little faster’ or ‘you have a little more magic’ the result is ‘you grow up to be a fucking tiger’.
There are reasons I really want the next elder scrolls game to be set in Elsweyr.
Krahka's OC and Meta Garbage-Palooza 