masterofbirds:

“And as you can see here, the projections for this project – ” Elfaroth cut off, staring, mouth agape, at the projector screen. A fashionable pureblood, with one hand wrapped around the base of his shaft and the other pointing a finger-gun at the viewer, was grinning rakishly at the camera, his cock prominent and taking up a large portion of the view.

Elfaroth’s face darkened into thunderclouds, and he used the Force to disconnect his datapad and flip it out the window of the presentation office. Hanneke shifted in her seat in what Elfaroth knew was appreciation, and Perkele was hiding a grin behind her hand. The other Sith and ranking Imperials in the meeting room looked varying degrees of shocked or uncomfortable.

Striding to the door, the red giant bellowed in a voice able to be heard throughout most of the vast echoing chambers of the Dark Tower.

“KLESKIZHAE!”

Kleskizhae casually browsed through his emails. Most of it was horrified responses to his attempts to boost morale and bring joy to the members of his otherwise very dry Sphere. What better way to improve moods than his glorious physique? It seemed like a good idea at the time. All this wine seemed like a good idea at the time. He told himself it was a good idea. It didn’t make it true.

He didn’t recognize most of the names (how many people were in Logistics anyway?) but he did recognize Elfaroth’s. Well, he was a superior and he seemed very upset (the letter was boring and in small print and he was still pretty drunk from all the wine he had when he had this brilliant idea and wasn’t very interested in long letters) so he sent something back that would hopefully defuse the situation.

“IF YOU DESIRE POINTERS ON HOW TO PROVIDE THE BEST VISUALS FOR YOUR SWEETHEART WHEN YOU ARE TRAGICALLY SEPARATED BY LIGHTYEARS UNIMAGINABLE, YET STILL DESIRE EACH OTHER’S MOST BEAUTIFUL PARTS, I CAN PROVIDE THEM. PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY FOR ANY MANHOOD LOST, AND PLEASE ACCEPT MY OFFER TO HELP YOU REGAIN IT AT NO COST TO YOURSELF”

Obviously this was the best answer and nothing could possibly go wrong with that.