wheres the fic where Clark Kent gets caught kissing Batman, and then gets hounded by the media every waking moment because “average civilian is dating Batman!!” and Clarks mourning the loss of his anonymity, meanwhile Bruce thinks its fucking hilarious, enjoy dealing w the press in both of your alter egos now, pretty boy, so Clark waits several months for the whole thing to die down before showing up as Superman to some party Bruce is attending and flying up to Bruce and going “paybacks a bitch” and just full on makes out with him in front of like a million reporters
every time i think about this goddamn piece of modern art i’m fucking brought to tears from laughing so fucking hard everything about this is perfectly executed as to ensure maximum amount of hilarity but the caption ‘a dream i had’ really takes it to the next level
Give me Superman with an awful southern accent. Give me Clark Kent sounding like he grew up on a farm (oh wait). Give me Superman the Journalist using y’all and all y’all and ain’t. Basically just give me Superman from Kansas
And DEFENDING IT.
“No, Lois, it’s not bad English. It’s a descriptive grammar theory and it serves a linguistic function.”
“C’mon, Smallville, are you really defending your use of ain’t?”
“Some of us actually went to class in college. If y’all are gonna give me a hard time about it, I’m gonna fight back.”
Clark making that “oop” noise when he bumps into inanimate objects.
But can you imagine Clark being so conditioned to this he bumps into an unmoving Bruce in the Watchtower once, and Bruce just slowly turns to stare at Clark and now it’s Clark’s turn to freeze because he just ‘oop’ed freaking Batman.
Or using ‘ain’t’ once around Bruce and Bruce just slowly goes rigid and stares at him.
“Did you just say ‘ain’t’?”
“Umm… yes?”
“You’re a writer!”
“Yeah, Bruce, and I’m also a farm boy from Kansas. It’s a legitimate word. Just because I don’t write with it doesn’t mean I don’t say it!”
And Bruce can’t even believe the indignity.
Give me Clark Kent saying YAIN’T
Yo, though, like– Give me an accurately accented Clark Kent and a neutral accented Superman because CLEARLY that’s part of the costume.
And he breaks when it’s just superheroes he can trust around. So the first time someone hears his actual accent, they just feel so lied to.
Bonus points if Batman uses the Christian Bale Batman voice, and whenever the rest of the Justice League is making fun of Clark’s accent and how different he sounds as Superman (he literally just uses his news anchor voice for that), he’s just like “Y’all are just gonna ignore Bruce’s … whatever it is he’s trying to sound like?”
Krahka's OC and Meta Garbage-Palooza 